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In the movies we see ample breasts and far more women’s pussies than men’s buns, much less their dicks.  Shouldn’t men be held to the same standards?  The silliest example of that was American’s Funniest Videos the other night when they placed the image of a rubber ducky over the penis of toddler standing up in a plastic bathtub.  Come on.  Let’s be real.  A one year old’s dick is barely noticeable.

I’ve thought about this for years. Simple modesty isn’t applied equally to men and women.  I immediately jumped to two conclusions  for this media modesty for men  a) Hollywood actors with small dicks didn’t want to world to see they weren’t hung like a super hero,  or b) Hollywood producers with small dicks didn’t want their wives getting distracted by normal sized penises in their movies.  It all comes down to small dicks. Then I thought about David, the statue. He’s not all that well endowed but that didn’t keep his from being the most public penis in the world.

Can we get on with it?  Finally, I concluded the real, deep down reason fpr shielding us from dicks is most straight men are scared of their dicks and being thought inadequate.  Unlike gay men who know our dicks intimately, straight men are with antiquated ideas and no training.  It didn’t help that the only sex education in my high school in Wisconsin was the gym teacher telling us to “keep it in your knickers.” Straight men everywhere may be working at that same level of zero dick education.  Think about it; whenever you go into a public bathroom, it’s both gay & straight men checking out dicks.   This is perfectly understandable for a gay man, but tell me, just what is the straight man doing? If the dick he sees is a decent size or bigger is he going to turn gay and suck it?  More likely he’ll go home and complain about his wife’s relatives or something else about that has nothing to do with the size of his dick.

After centuries of Papal lust and illegitimate children the Vatican did penance by chiseling off the penises on all their statues of naked men. (Talk about being cut). My guess is that those penises are alive and well in the Vatican archives where priests with unclean thoughts have jack off contests with them lined up on a table.

I admit there’s a difference between a flaccid dick and an erect one, but most actors are such exhibitionists that they’d get hard as soon as a camera starts rolling. Even if it got hard as it does in John Cameron Mitchell’s movie Short Bus what difference does it make? and in any case that’s a pretty limp excuse for keeping dicks under the covers.

Penis envy is a fact of modern life.  We all wish ours was fatter, longer, veined, or uncut but that’s no reasons to keep dicks out of sight in the movies. What could convey a man’s interest in someone better than seeing a close up of his pecker peeking out of his BVDs?  Viggo Mortensen and Ewan McGregor have been good enough to let us see all of them. If you look closely the dicks of Alan Bates’ and Oliver Reed’s are seen briefly in Women in Love.  There are probably a few others I don’t know about. The point is dicks are elemental to men, so we should see men with their dicks in the movies.

We wouldn’t have this problem if our education started with books for children like a revised version of  Fun with Dick and Jane.  “See Jane look at Dick’s dick.  See it get bigger.”  That probably wouldn’t get on any first grade teachers’ reading list, but we’d be saner if it had.

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