internet dating

Why do some men my age say it’s harder to find boys to fuck on the Internet?  Guys, you are twenty years older. This is not the good old days.  Technology has changed and so have our bodies.  If you used the Internet you’d find a website for older men with younger men looking for older men.  If that doesn’t work, get a haircut and stop using pictures taken in 1985 when you chat.  Dating online isn’t harder than it was before the Internet but attitudes of men have changed because of the epidemic.  When I came out in the 1970’s our disease was gonorrhea and that was cured it with a shot. We were living in an amazing present. We met in bars, parks, street corners, parking lots, hotel rooms, you name it. Today with HIV some men won’t play with a men who is positive even when the man’s been healthy for years. Others set high standards because they’re thinking marriage and can’t make any mistakes. The first group won’t meet a lot of men who would be fine friends. The others will be disappointed. Gay men are human beings; they aint perfect.  We had few role models when we came out so we could shop around, try different kinds of men and fashion a sex life that worked for us.  You can still do that.
Approaching someone on Manhunt is no different from approaching someone at the Eagle; the only difference is the three beers I had to drink to build up my courage.  Dating on the Internet requires the same personal skills and the same reason to be honest, and there are plenty of gay websites like Gaydar, Manhunt, Daddy Hunt,  XteenBoy, and Recon Leather and you can review most of them free.  Use them to find out who’s looking to meet other men.

It sounds counterintuitive, but being spontaneous requires planning.  For a great date, you want to be able to go with the flow, especially when it’s a first date, but leaving everything to fate can stop you the middle of your fun. You don’t have to put condoms or poppers or toys on the bed but know where to find them when you need them. And don’t fool around with HIV status.  If you’re positive tell prospective partners up front.If you’re negative and don’t play with positive men put that in your profile.  Being clear about your status and clear about your sexual interests makes your sex life run smoothly.

On a first date try to find out what gets him off.  Do it with a smile and suggest that what turns him on turns you on, too.  Let’s say says he’s into rimming.  That’s something you’ve never done, but if you’re willing to give it a try, make sure he’s clean before you go exploring with your tongue.   If you don’t want to do it, say so and suggest something else you’ll both enjoy.  If that’s all he wants to do, he should have said so in his profile.  Sex dates can have fun surprises, but you want to avoid surprises so dramatic they set back your play. You want him to want you. You don’t want him wondering who the fuck you are.

When you both want sex that knocks your jocks off all you need to do is take a shower and think of ways of turning him on.  Flirt, talk dirty, kiss his feet, whatever, but don’t think about it. Feel it. When we’re having sex your brain should be focused on your crotch not what happened at work that morning.  Think fun because your haircut, your tan line and the size of your dick are unimportant. Trust your libido.  We also have to be prepared for dates that don’t work. If it’s not working don’t get pissed. When the chemistry isn’t right, it isn’t right.  How you handle it is important. Your partner may not be feeling well, and we all have off days, so recognize what happened and accept it. Resentment is the easy out, but it doesn’t relieve you of responsibility and in time you’ll regret it. We all have very sensitive antennae for emotions, and your partner can read you even when little is said. So of things don’t go well accept it and leave open the possibility that another time might work, or just thank him.  Even if you’re never going to play with the guy again, you can be polite.

OK, so your date from Manhunt is coming over. Get in the shower. Organize your place space. Look forward to having a good time. Kiss him when he walks through the door. Olan on having fun.

About Chuck

Ivy education, long-time San Franciscan with two dogs and two homes. Have traveled most of the world and spend my days writing.

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