secret affair


For the last two plus years I’ve been having an affair with a married (gay) man.  I call it a secret because his husband doesn’t know about it, nor does he know my guy is positive; they’ve been together forty-some years.

Some background; he contacted me on an Internet sex site, and our connection was immediate. He’s bright, playful and appreciates my experience and brains. We exchange emails all day, and he’s edited a version of the novel I’m working on.  He’s tremendous great fun to play with, and I love the guy.  He’s said he loves me.  A joy I didn’t expect would be mine again.

I thought I was experienced enough to handle it, but as time goes by I’m increasingly frustrated because his husband, in the end, calls the shots.  Most affairs end in a divorce or lawsuits, but so far my guy is so scared of telling his husband, we drift, and that’s beginning to grate on me. What’s does my inability to get closure mean for my son and granddaughter?

Affairs are a family tradition.  When I was in high school my father began an affair that went on for six years before he divorced my mother and married her. Everyone knew about it: my mother, her husband and all us kids.  And she went out of her way to include me and my brothers in an extended family even before the divorce/remarriage. And yes, for years it was the hot topic of gossip in my small town in Wisconsin.

In my case, I struggle because I don’t know where this affair will end; he hints just enough to keep me hoping, but if he has something in mind, he’s not talking.  This is not a problem solved lying on a therapist’s couch. It’s personal, and I’m guessing I’ll let it go on until the indecision is more than I can bear. And then that won’t be pretty for either of us.



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